Anne Heck

Inner Telltale

My father taught me to sail when I was a young girl; I have fond memories of navigating towards a spot on the lake shore and watching my telltales to keep abreast of changes in the wind.  I remember being amazed - and sometimes aggravated - at how often the wind shifted and I had to change my course. 

A number of unexpected experiences have been coming my way lately - some comfortable and some not so much.  I know I'm not alone in this one as I've spoken to many for whom change is the new constant. 

As the winds shift, I'm learning to listen to my own inner telltale and feel out where I next need to set my course, knowing that the winds could shift again very soon. 

Embracing change in this way is so much more enjoyable than resisting it, panicking and capsizing my boat ; )

This past summer, my 7-year-old daughter took the helm.  She, too, is learning how to read the wind, adjust her course of sail and navigate what unfolds before her on the waters.

Together, we're inviting the wind to be our teacher and we're keeping an eye on our inner telltales to navigate our life in a good way.  So much can be said for checking in with yourself in this way.  I encourage you to check your inner telltale.  What is it revealing to you in this moment?

 

Moon Seed

In honor of this beautiful full moon time and of the richness of the seeds we carry as women, I wrote this piece ~

Moon seed, nestled in rich belly soil
Seeking a place in which to uncoil
Fertile thoughts gone now, allow you to flow
Wise woman’s wisdom with your stream does grow

Moon seed, sweet source of maiden fruit
Shine upon me, so my soul will take root
Illume my dreams, sweep shadows aside
Come, christen me in your crimson tide

Moon seed, your blessings so full
Drip slivers of wisdom in my heart pool
Lift spirit veils on my dry river bed
Come, let your tendrils across me spread

Knowing my harvest will soon be past
I cling to your tears as if they’re my last
Moon seed, flow top my rivers deep
And take hold, so your light I may reap

Summer's Bounty

Though the days are becoming shorter and the morning air hints of autumn, summertime calls my name. This season, painted with bright colors on generous canvases, is still enticing me with its allure of abundance and growth, of joy and lightheartedness.

I’m paying attention to teachings I’ve received from my garden: how to grow wild and unencumbered by rules and boundaries, how to overflow and out-glow expectations, how to bow to the sun and glisten in the rain, how to wait patiently for the perfect time to blossom and listen carefully for the call to harvest.

I’ve just completed the painting of my daughter’s bedroom, which is yellow and blue and filled with the essence of picnics and merriment.  At the same time, I’m deeply engaged in learning this beautiful feminine way of creating transformation (see Dancing the Feminine), and bursts of inspiration are ushering in my women’s circles.  The season is still enchanting me to grow myself and to blossom into my fullness.

No doubt, I sense the waning of summer.  I hear a faint call to lean into those gentle winds of change that coax me inward.

I'm preparing my garden soil with a cover crop of red clover and buckwheat, knowing that this nourishing act will offer support for the coming season. I pack away pesto and blueberries in my freezer ~ reminders of a summer lived fully. 

And I offer gratitude to this season of the south, for its bounteous gifts, its vibrant color, its invitation to expand, to reach, perhaps to challenge, and for all its energies that bless me in ways I cannot know.

Dancing the Feminine

I'm feeling the call of the feminine in a loud way.  Just two weeks ago, with a strong intuitive nudge, I registered for a 7-week teleclass entitled Feminine Power: The Essential Course for the Awakening Woman.  The class, led by Katherine Woodward Thomas and Claire Zammit is a global teleclass with over 1500 woman participating from 53 countries. 

Perhaps you've been in situations where you have this strong knowing you're in the perfect and right place.  As I've exchanged introductions with my sister circle of women in the teleclass, I've been moved to hear stories of strong,  determined women from varied backgrounds choosing with conviction to make a difference in themselves with intent to also make a difference in the world. They're hungry to learn to do this in a divinely feminine way.  Many of them are stepping boldly into this place, taking risks and setting strong intentions to play life full out, to dance to their own drumbeat with no apologies.  I'm inspired, uplifted and humbled to be in their presence.

As I step into this new place, I sense myself letting go of my old masculine ways of operating in the world and opening to the mystery, magic and strength of the feminine sourcing my life. The same day I registered for this teleclass, I also registered to attend the Southeast Women's Herbal Conference  that will take place in October.  Here I intend to learn from some powerful healers and connect more deeply to Mother Earth in the gentle presence of a circle of women. 

There's liberation and clarity in this place of the feminine and I hold immense gratitude for the opportunity to join with women in community to do our collective work in the world. I made two other large commitments that day which I have yet to announce ~ just to add a touch of mystery and curiosity ~ stay tuned!

Embracing All

Summertime adventures have gifted me with fullness of being.  I’ve harvested beautiful greens from my garden, I’ve biked the parkway almost daily and have had the opportunity to sail and swim and play with the children.

At the same time, challenges have arisen.  In the past, I’ve cringed and powered my way through whatever felt uncomfortable.  What I’m learning is to truly embrace these pieces, to sit with my emotion about them and to be compassionate with myself as I navigate what’s before me.

Tending to my emotion is as essential as weeding my garden and lubricating my bicycle.  Bringing  emotions into a place of balance requires acceptance rather than my old pattern of resistance.  My openness to the emotion often paves the way for profound realizations and new experiences of life's fullness. As I dance slowly and carefully with what's in my midst, I’m often pleasantly surprised by the way that light magically infuses situations so that I gain the clarity I desire. 

Last evening as I was sitting with some emotion, one of my unfinished faceless dolls called to me.  I promptly picked her up and heard her ask to be completed, so I began to work.  She needed only a face and some hair; however, faces have been my biggest creative challenge. A doll’s face holds its essence, speaks its name, offers gifts to those it greets. 

I sat for some time asking what this doll wanted to express; its body was very expressive already – did it really need a face?  The answer came quickly “yes.”  I realized that without a mouth this doll was already speaking to me.  A clear message was expressing – “embrace it all.”  “Yes,” I thought.  “Embrace it all.  This is what I’m learning.”  And then the face emerged with ease.  I gave a warm welcome to this new being and I heard her name ~ Joy.  She’ll be gifted to my daughter whose middle name is Joy.

Journey to the Heart – A Facilitated Women’s Circle

Somewhere, there are people to whom we can speak with passion without having the words catch in our throats. Somewhere a circle of hands will open to receive us, eyes will light up as we enter, voices will celebrate with us whenever we come into our own power. Community means strength that joins our own strength to do our work that needs to be done. Arms to hold us when we falter. A circle of healing. A circle of friends. A place where we can be free.  ~ Starhawk

  The Asheville-based Women’s Circle Journey to the Heart invites women who feel called to come sit with us. Circle meets weekly and offers a space for you to share deeply within the safety and with support of a reflective Circle of intentional women.

Give yourself the gift of sitting in sacred space with others who support you on your Authentic path.  The benefits of sitting in  Circle include greater clarity and self-awareness, more balance in your spiritual and physical life and ultimately more centeredness in your heart space.

Inner growth and awareness happen when we create the right environment for it: time, safe space, and loving guidance. I come to this circle after walking my own healing path of 20 years and sitting in spiritual circles for 10 years.  I'm a certified Science of Mind Practitioner, a Healing Touch Practitioner, and an ordained Interfaith Minister. I bring to you my deeply felt understanding of the relationship between the spiritual and the physical. You can learn more about me here.

Journey to the Heart is for you if you wish to:

• increase your clarity and self-awareness and receive guidance towards your own knowing.
• experience greater balance in your spiritual and physical life.
• have a supportive community witness your Authentic Self, allowing you to step more fully into your own power.
• do deep, personal work with the support and safety of a reflective circle of intentional women.

The benefits of Journey to the Heart are:

• learning to listen to your inner guidance.
• gathering tools and abilities to care for your deeper needs.
• nourishment of your inner life.
• increasingly trusting yourself.
• having a space to share deeply.
• encouragement of your Authentic Self.

I ask for your commitment to be fully present for yourself and others when you come into community; the amount of attention and intention that you devote to Circle will determine what you gain from it.

Circle is intimate and space is limited.  We will begin our next 12 week session in September 2012.  Session cost is $285.  There will be options of daytime and evening circles; please inform me of which times your schedule allows.  If you're interested, please reserve your space now by contacting me.

In gratitude ~ Anne

 

Questing for a Vision

I have friends on the mountain this week who are calling for a vision.  I support them by paying attention to what I most need in the moment and by intentionally eating and drinking to nourish them along with me.  This is a gentle and compassionate way that we can walk in support of all people.

Two years ago I climbed the mountain to seek a vision.  For several months prior, I sat daily and said my prayers, tying each prayer into colored cloth with tobacco.  These prayers would be my protection while I sat for 4 days and nights without food and water.

My biggest fear in anticipating my quest was that I wouldn’t receive a vision, that I wouldn’t be able to hear Creator speaking to me.  Two weeks before  quest, I developed a huge boil on my third eye. Skin infections were not the norm for me; this certainly got my attention.  The day before I hiked up the mountain, the boil burst; it was apparent that I needn’t be concerned about receiving a vision – my connection with Spirit was clear and open. In my mind, I still held doubts.

My expectation of how my vision would manifest went something like this:  the clouds would part, bright light would shine upon me and trumpets would sound to draw my attention to the angels’ voices which would then reveal the message I needed to hear.  Two days passed; it poured rain, a large toad sat under the oak tree staring at me, mosquitoes kept me up at night, and  hover flies buzzed continuously in my face.  No trumpets, no angels.  Where was my F#!*ing vision?

Toad seemed to soak it all in, sitting patiently, knowing his own toad truths and reminding me that truth is everywhere available.  Hover flies told me in their persistent way that it was time I paid attention to the ways I distracted myself from all I could be sensing.  Oak tree stood straight and tall, offering shelter and security.  Rain was cleansing and mosquitoes swarming around my head assured I would be awake when the midnight winds blew in sounds of beautiful flute music, gifted from sky beings; this relaxed me into a peace-filled state.

It wasn’t until afternoon of the third day that I understood.  All these still, soft voices within my heart were communicated every moment through my experience and environment . . . these were the messengers. This was Spirit speaking to me, offering guidance and opportunity for introspection on life’s path.  This was the voice that I hadn’t been willing to trust as my guidance, that I didn’t believe I could hear.  It was so simple, so consistent – for years it had been – and yet I hadn’t been open to listening, to trusting.

The gift of quest continues to feed me, to teach me, to speak to me in a myriad of ways.  I hold deep gratitude for this transformative ceremony, for all who supported me and continue to support this work, for my many loving and patient teachers and for learning to trust myself.

The Path to Ordination

During my undergraduate years at Oberlin College, I was fascinated by religious studies; in fact, I was one class away from a religion minor when I graduated.  Had I not held judgement about the impracticality of a degree in religion, I likely would have moved steadfastly toward that end.  Rather, I've taken a somewhat circuitous route over the years with my penchant for a spiritual path.

Several years ago, I devoted four years of study to becoming a Religious Science Practitioner I completed all required classes and extensive writing assignments, participated in the somewhat grueling appearance before panels and passed the licensing exam.  At that same time, I felt strongly called away from pursuing this particular expression of spirituality and began a more inward search to find my unique calling.

The past few years, I've become increasingly aware that one of the gifts I bring to the world is spiritual counsel, especially for women.  As my Healing Touch Apprenticeship unfolded, I was approached by a number of women requesting such counsel.  So it was that I was inspired to begin my women's circles.  Concurrently, I had been seeking a path to the ministry as I had felt another call in this direction and because it seemed to compliment the energy healing work I had begun.  I had the good fortune to be introduced to  Charlotte McGinnis, an ADL minister in Flat Rock.  Charlotte became a friend and mentored me on my developing path.

I've met with Charlotte and four other ministerial students for over a year now.  This Saturday at 4 pm is our ordination.  For me, this ceremony is not about what I learned in my ministerial studies, but symbolizes my trust in the divine unfolding of my unique gifts and my readiness to continue opening my heart wherever I'm called to serve.  I hold much gratitude for the magic with which life unfolds and for my teachers who encouraged me to listen to my inner voice calling out the truth of what is mine to do.

Springtime Ripening

As the moon wanes, I’m noticing those things that are reaching closure in my life: my women’s circles shared sweet words as they parted this past week, and my children are excited about the now imminent last day of school.

At the same time, I’m aware of springtime ripening -- the mountain laurel blooming passionately and the honeysuckle’s sweet full aroma in the morning air. 

I injured myself a couple months ago, and the blessing is that I’ve been learning to move slowly in the world.  The teaching for me has been about paying attention – attention to my surroundings, to how my body moves, to my breath, to my words, to what’s mine to do and what’s not, to the messages that are coming to me and to my truth about those messages.

I sense myself becoming more aware in this gentle, slower way of walking. As well, I'm able to maintain my centeredness and to focus my energies more efficiently.  And in this way, I'm experiencing the plump morsels of life's moments in all their kaleidoscopic brilliance -- the moist breeze touches my cheek while the raindrops and thunder beings dance across the mountaintops, the cat snuggles close resting one soft paw on my bare foot, these words float in from some mysterious place and inspire me to move my pen across the paper, and I feel my body savoring another breath.

And so it is that I’m growing at this time.  I’m holding deep gratitude for this season of growth and for the opportunity to step gently into my fullness.

Walk a Mile

My wonderful husband and son just walked a mile in high heeled shoes. Walk a Mile in Her Shoes is a benefit for Our VOICE, the local Rape Crisis and Education Center.  This second annual event attracted over 300 men (and many women) to walk through downtown Asheville wearing some amazingly creative – and often painful-looking - women’s shoes.  They helped to raise $20,000 in the process!  My son chose to run as an attempt to come in first and sprained his ankle in the process.  His wise teaching to all:  "Heels were not made for running." Thanks to all who participated.

I'd Like to Die in Springtime

Several years ago, I wrote this poem for a class on death and dying. Recently, it has come into view again with the passing of a dear friend's father.  I hold much gratitude for the flow of words, for how these words speak to me and for this glorious life-giving season of spring.

I’d like to die in springtime
When the world is full of bloom;
It’s when I’m most accepting
Of each sweet moment’s tune.

It’s in spring I feel hearts open,
There is no one I need please,
I let go of all resistance
And sway gently on the breeze.

Nature teaches every moment
Just how I am to be.
I uncover what has always been;
It is this that sets me free.

Wholly present in the moment,
I embrace what comes my way.
I am grateful for the gifts
I’m blessed with each and every day.

To carry springtime’s wisdom
Through the seasons of the year
Is to live without the burden
Of my image’s veneer.

It’s to sing the song of freedom,
It’s to love life’s mystery,
It’s to greet the morning’s sunrise
Upon a bended knee.

I’d like to die in springtime
When my being opens wide,
And the Allness that I am
Is somehow magnified.

It’s in this sweet awareness
That I feel so alive;
And it’s in this place of Truth
That I will choose to die.

Yes, I’d like to die in springtime
In a sigh of joy’s embrace;
Let my Spirit float upon the wind
And shed the seeds of grace.

 

Always a Gift

Spring approaches and the ground irises and crocuses are pushing their way towards the light.  Meanwhile, my family has been with flu this past week.  Each of us was in and out of fever, snorting and coughing and getting intermittent sleep.  With very little energy to run on, I’ve taken this time to rest and meditate and fill myself and each of my family members with golden healing light.  I've napped on the earth and allowed the sun to coax me into a place of strength.

My daughter seemed to be hit the hardest.  She didn’t eat for 4 days and was feverish for most of that time.  She and I slept together as she could hardly lift her head for water, so I was up repeatedly giving her drink and tissues and carrying her to the bathroom.  At one point during the fourth night, she called out to me; I asked her what she needed.  It was then I knew her fever had broken.  She replied "I love you, momma." 

Women’s Circle – An Invitation

The Asheville-based Women’s Circle Journey to the Heart invites women who feel called to come sit with us on Monday or Wednesday mornings. This Circle will provide a space for you to share deeply within the safety and with support of a reflective Circle of intentional women.

Give yourself the gift of sitting in sacred space with others who support you on your Authentic path.  The benefits of sitting in such a Circle include greater clarity and self-awareness, more balance in your spiritual and physical life and ultimately more centeredness in your heart space.

Inner growth and awareness happen when we create the right environment for it: time, safe space, and loving guidance.  I've been called to oversee this Circle to ensure this environment; you can learn more about me here.  Further details about circle are available here.

I ask for your commitment on a weekly basis to be fully present for yourself and others; the amount of attention and intention that you devote to circle will determine what you gain from it.

The circle meets Mondays from 10  - noon or Wednesday mornings 10 - noon.  $20 per circle.  If this speaks to you and you’d like to participate, please contact me; circle space is limited, so please connect soon to state your intention to attend.   

In gratitude ~

Tell the Story

The question was asked of me recently “How does one tell the story of rape when people don’t want to hear about it?”

Several years ago, I was called for jury duty.  As I waited to learn if I would be asked to serve in the courtroom, I visited with several others who had been summoned to duty.  We shared stories of our connections with crime.  One man had been physically assaulted on a recreational canoe trip; another woman had a friend who had been into drug dealing. There was back-and-forth banter about one another’s experiences.  What a perfect opportunity for me to experiment with public response.  “Sixteen years ago, I was raped while  riding my bike,” I shared calmly.  There was silence.  No response.  None.  No one seemed willing or able to respond to my story. 

As a survivor of sexual assault, I feel strongly that speaking out is one of the primary ways I can create change in the silence that surrounds this crime.  The wounds of sexual assault flourish in our silence, misunderstandings and avoidance of the issue.  The more we all move into open dialogue, despite how emotionally charged the topic can be, the more we create light for the generations to come. 

Though it appears the general public doesn’t want to hear this story; I would argue that this is everyone’s story.  We all hold pain and angst about some experience of our lives.  It’s my belief that we long for someone to put into words our own painful feelings so that we can deeply relate, so that we can enter into our wounded hearts, so that we can begin to understand ourselves and with this awareness, we can rise above it.  We will not transcend these acts of crime, however, unless we speak our stories ~ the pain – yes - and the gifts that pain has brought us.

I’m struck with the perfection of the silence that fell on my words in that waiting room; my story had filled that space, and all who heard held pause as it came into the light.  Our stories weave us together more closely.  And in this togetherness, we can garner more strength individually and as a community and ultimately bring about healthy changes for us all.  Survivors speaking out has resulted in legal change, brought about improvements in therapeutic approaches, and has undermined in a very powerful way social myths about sexual assault that promote acceptance of this crime.

So, how does one tell the story of rape or of any other painful event of one’s life? I suggest beginning with one word at a time.

Beneath the Fear

I’ve certainly looked at the issue of fear from many angles.  At this point, I’m very aware that there’s nothing to be feared, that my fear emotion is an indicator to deepen my understanding of what’s before me.

Recently, I’ve been called to facilitate women’s circles here in Asheville.  I’ve named the circles Journey to the Heart because the intention is to create a safe, supportive space for women to explore more deeply their Authentic selves.

Spirit has been calling me for a very long time to do this work.  Along with my energy healing work, I’ve resisted.  I told Spirit this was not mine to do; I knew nothing about healing others nor about leading a journey to the heart, of all things. 

Somewhere in my kicking and screaming, I softened to my fears. I saw myself as that frightened child who was called  on stage to perform something practiced for years and yet was still not comfortable being seen. My path has most certainly gifted me what I need to hold the space for healing and for navigating the heart space in a good way; I'm just stepping into a new place with it.

Women’s Circles begin this week and at the last minute, there have been a number of shifts in meeting space, participants and weather.  I've found this tiring as I navigate to hold the energy of these circles in a good way.

Yesterday, I reached my melting point with one last change that felt out of my control and, admittedly, I was experiencing the power of my own fear – it wasn’t pretty.  In the midst of it, I saw myself and knew I simply needed to embrace this piece.  I needed to feel it at its fullest . . . and then let it go. I was in a whirl of emotion and then thoroughly exhausted.

Last night, owl came to my window.  I asked for his message.  "You don’t control circle" he told me.  "You have cast the circle and Spirit is handling it.  You simply need to have awareness of what is happening and hold the energy of all that transpires in a good way.”  I got it.  What I feared was my inability to control what was going to happen.  Just as I’ve learned with my healing work, I’m not in control.  I show up and hold the space and need to get out of my own way to allow the healing to unfold.

This morning, I stand facing the East, this place of newness, of the sunrise, of breathing in what this day offers me.  And I stand knowing that I have all that I need to walk this path.  I needn’t control what’s been asked of me; I need only show up in a good way.

There's always a message beneath the fear.  I have deep gratitude for the messages of my emotions, for owl bringing me clarity in the night and for the gift of this opportunity before me.